The New Job.

I worked in a car dealership for 2 years before I became a stay at home mom to my daughter. I didn’t apply for the position, it kinda just fell into my lap. I was working as a waitress in a local pub - one of the only watering spots in town so it was quite busy. Especially in the winter months  people would gather there for a cold beer and socialize rather than gathering around a fire and cracking a few cold ones and sharing some laughs. 

On one particularly busy Saturday night, I was joking and laughing with my tables, ensuring that their memory of their waitress was a good one - so that when the time for the bills to hit the table they would be extra generous with their wonderful server. I don’t mean to brag, but I was excellent at my job, and was able to create a relaxed atmosphere where no one saw the bottom of their drink and was often compensated quite handsomely. It made up for the fact that I barely saw my boyfriend. There were times he would open the door at home for me - him going to work and me coming home. At the end of my night, while cleaning empty bottles and glasses and hearing my bed call to me - feet throbbing, the yell from them to stop moving progressively getting louder and louder I had one of my customers call me over. I assumed it was to question if she really had that many vodkas and to dispute the amount of shots she bought for their table. 

“Quit your job” she said bluntly - and I was taken aback. I was damn good at what I did, I knew that. “I want you to come work with us over at the dealership”

I went from on the defence to diffusing the job offer - I was so happy at the bar, coworkers were good and the money was great. I politely reminded her that I have a job (clearly) and that I was very happy with it. She confidently handed me a card anyways. “If that ever changes, give me a call, we want people like you”. She handed me a very generous amount of money for her tab and went to meet her friends outside waiting for a cab. 

Fast forward 3 weeks and after many deliberations, we decided it would be better for us to have us both be “daywalkers” not on opposite schedules. I had to admit, it would be so nice to go to sleep at night beside my love, rather than barely seeing each other, so I went into the dealership and sat down and discussed the position. They were joking that they were going to just come to the bar and drag me down the road to work for them, the flattery was nice I’m not going to lie. I had never been poached for a job. 

In the first few weeks of the job I asked all the questions I could think of. And people freely offered tips, such as if the computer froze, hit a certain key combination and that may unfreeze it before calling tech support - who wasn’t the most pleasant of people, so you avoided him if you could. (Another very helpful tip)I soaked up all the knowledge that they were offering me, and there were plenty of times I thought, “oh that’s not my style of talking to people, but I’ll keep it in the back of my mind just in case I need it.” 

If you were starting ANY job, you would do the same, Draw information and resources from those who have been doing the job longer than you, or who have had success in the job. That’s totally normal. So why would anyone freak out at you when are offering any advice when it comes to parenting. Parenting is the hardest, most time consuming and life altering job you will ever have. Anyone who says parenting is easy is a liar. You can quit any other job, especially is your boss is a crazy person who can never seem to be satisfied, or throws temper tantrums and never sleeps and keeps you awake with them. You would quit. 

No one ever shuts down the friendly person in the office advising you on the monthly meeting, or giving you tips about the photocopy machine - so why do new moms freak out at anyone offering a solution to a problem they may have. You wouldn’t say in a snarky tone “I’ll figure it out, I don’t need or want your advice, so go away” - no, that would be incredibly rude. And even if you did figure it out and it wan’t their suggestion they offered this time, the next time it acts all wonky and eats your papers it might be the their solution that works. You would have that idea, stored in the back of your mind. This translates to 2am, when you can’t figure out why your 4 month old is screaming even though you think you’ve done everything you possibly can, based on the past ways you’ve soothed your child. None of your go - to’s are working and you’re inching closer to the brink and moving to the end of your rope. Then the idea that they offered comes to mind, and out of desperation you try it, and it works. Just like the photocopier. 

I’m not saying children are the equivalent of office equipment, but I am saying the community of moms that you are inducted to - the secret society that often opens its arms as wide as it can stretch out to embrace you, with no expectations and no strings attached as soon as they find out you are going to be a member of the club is the equivalent of the friendly person offering the solution to the photocopier jamming. They don’t gain anything from you knowing the tip about the photocopier, and they don’t gain anything from offering a solution to why your baby is losing their mind at 2am, 3am, and 4am but if you shut them down, and let them know you never need their help, please do not be angry when no one offers it. 

No one likes to be snapped at, and no one likes to feel rejected - so please remember that when someone is offering help. They don’t gain anything from helping you, there's no monthly “help a mom” quota that people need to fill, they are doing it because they genuine and because we all doing the best we can, and sometimes you need a little bit of help. 

My favorite co-worker.